Intervention for Barbie?

Oh Barbie, beloved toy from my childhood.
How I loved sending you on joy rides in your Cadillac (Barbie was doing very well in her career at this point in my life), driving from the back seat because I could never keep the front seat in the car thus could never keep track of it.... But you always wore your semi functioning seat belt because along with smarts and style, safety was a top priority, minus all those choking hazard foods of yours that were never quite the right size in proportion to your tiny hands.

What happened? Were you always a prostitute on the side and I was just too naive to see it? You could have driven a Geo and I would have respected you just as much in my little mind.  I remember sensible flats though, not these hooker heels and chunky wedges (that you wear to be babysitter Barbie? Have you in fact ever chased a toddler like the ones you were once packaged with as teacher Barbie?).

You have taken on a range of careers over the years, and looking online, I see you have pursued a nursing career (in heels), and a doctor (just for babies, in heels as well), track star, actress, and even an astronaut, although I'm very confused how you function when your suite is so tight fitting.  Do your heels fit in the suite?

As a mother, I have banned you from my house Barbie.  I have a young daughter who is impressionable, and I would rather her play with trucks and her gender neutral kitchen, than learn how to play with you.  I'm sorry I have to end this relationship, but we just can't see each other until you get yourself cleaned up.  Maybe it's this new crowd you're hanging around, Monster High? I want my daughter to learn she can really be anything, a doctor of any sort (not just for puppies or babies), a teacher who doesn't wear mini skirts, a scientist, anything.  I want her to know that cops don't wear mini skirts, it looks more like a stripper get up when you wear it.  The package that held said cop uniform also held a firefighter uniform.  As a firefighter, I was intrigued, even though my daughter has no Barbies, I was interested to see if maybe you quit the drugs and prostitution Barbie, maybe there was a chance for your rehabilitation, but upon closer inspection, the bunker pants were not bunker pants.... but skinny jeans.  How are you going to be protected in a fire with skinny jeans, Barbie? I won't buy this for my daughter (if she had a Barbie doll to dress up), I won't buy skinny jeans for my daughter! (And yes, they do sell skinny jeans for infants and two year olds alike, which in my opinion is an abomination).

I remember the outfits my grandmother made for you out of blue velvet, they were beautiful, yet didn't show off your lady plastic.  Let me show some examples of the outfits that keep you out of my home, away from my little girl....


Need I mention Monster High?

Who oh dear  Lord.... sell costumes for little girls?!?!?!




Am I the only one who this SERIOUSLY disturbs?!?!?!


An additional fact that gets under my skin, is on the Mattel site, they separate their toys so you can search for  boys or girls.  How helpful, you can search for boys by looking at cars, wrestling action figures.... well that's pretty much it.... or for girls where you can peruse the examples teaching our daughters to dress like their bodies are for sale.  What is wrong with this?

I'm really tired of hearing the "boys vs. girls" toy argument.  They are both way off.
Let's get one thing straight, play is learning for small children, and at some point most of us will both own a car and have babies.  So how on earth should cars or baby dolls be directed at boys or girls? They are GENDER NEUTRAL TOYS and should be marketed as such.  If my son wants to play with a baby doll, it will let him practice nurturing, and caring for a baby.  I should hope these are traits his future wife would want him to have.  If my daughter wants to play with cars, go for it! Learn about engines, learn how things work, cars encourage these things, she's already trying to pry open the hoods of all her car toys (some of them don't open so this leads to much frustration on her part).

How Barbie, can I give you to my daughter and expect her to still care about math and science? How can I expect her to care about how things work, to investigate, to be SMART if all she sees is women are supposed to wear mini skirts and heels? How are we surprised if we give our daughters these toys and wonder why the job market is male dominated?

Why is it Barbie, that you dominate the shelves in stores with your scantly clad self, but dolls who teach girls about nursing their babies are too terrible for our toy aisles? I would rather have my daughter learn that breasts are there for feeding babies over showing them to men (http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/07/16/new-doll-that-teaches-how-to-breast-feed-causing-controversy/) but as a culture we would prefer you showing your ta tas to Ken?
Why can't we find any dolls that I wouldn't mind giving my daughter in the toy aisle?
(I was going to find some positive and modest dolls to post images of.... turns out not too many exist that are comparable to Barbie).


Barbie, I have a lot of frustration with this.  Not just with you, but our culture in general.
How come when I was in girl scouts we learned how to make pinwheels with paper, pencil, and a thumb tack, and earned choir badges while the boys got to go camping and learned how to shoot bows and arrows? How come in band class, the girls were encouraged to do flute or clarinet, while the boys got first pick at trombone and percussion? How come if girls want to play football the only place in high school they got the opportunity was powder puff, and it was a joke to everyone who watched? How come I have to buy my daughter boys' pants unless I want her to wear baby skinny jeans (which are in fact, a health hazard http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/health&id=8934155 this is just one source)?
How come when someone sees my daughter they automatically say, "How cute, how pretty," which, of course I agree, but my daughter doesn't need to hear just about her looks.

I want my daughter to know that she has a brain in her head, this isn't something I think Barbie encourages.  So we'll stick to Daniel Tiger (who encourages positive values while teaching children they are loved just the way they are) and toy trucks.

I hope that you get your act together Barbie....
good luck with that, until then though, we're going to keep our distance.

a pro choice approach to ending abortion

I don't like getting political (and I know I do too much).  This is an issue that really sets me on fire.
Abortion.

First, let's dissolve a couple myths.  Pro choice absolutely DOES NOT MEAN pro abortion.  I hate abortion, and I am spending my life fighting it by raising a daughter who will never feel the need to have one, and a son who will not leave a woman believing it is her only choice.
Abortions are primarily women who feel so desperate that they don't feel there is another choice, it's not usually the independent woman working a high paying job who could afford a baby, or at least has the insurance to have the baby and put it up for adoption.  It is primarily women who feel so desperate that they don't feel there is another choice, now, put yourself in their shoes, and think about the hurdles that would keep them from keeping their child, we'll come back to that....

We are completely backwards in our approach as a culture.
We think that making something legal or illegal will matter? No.  It starts where everything starts, with our kids.  I have the simplest, most effective way to stop abortions.  The problem? Participation.
Talk to your kids.
Talk to them when it's awkward.
We have been so caught up in the argument of what the school is allowed to teach our children about sex education, to the point that instead of teaching ways to protect themselves or ways to stay abstinent, they are learning nothing except the raw facts of sex, if that.
Here is a brief description of what my parents told me about sex: "                       . "
I'm pretty sure I had no idea how babies were really made until I was in high school and had access to google.
If we raise kids not telling them about sex, not telling them about what can happen, and ways to prevent it, keeping them informed that accidents do happen and nothing is completely reliable, then they will know what *can* happen, and how to lessen the likelihood.  As much as I would love to tell my daughter to never have sex, to wait until she's married, the numbers don't lie where abstinence is taught, teaching abstinence without the underlying lessons of how to prevent unwanted pregnancy and STDs isn't effective.  As much as, in our dream world, none of our daughters would ever give in to any of those sneaky teenaged boys with their too much axe spray and newly found driver's licenses.

Here is my plan to prevent my daughter from getting an abortion:

1. Talk to her about sex.  Talk to her about ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STDs, but tell her as well there are always surprises.  Things can break, you have to remember to take pills, and I've seen a lot of pregnancies with certain contraception like the ring.  Nothing is 100% but abstinence, but I'm not stupid, I know she's going to be a young lady with a world of young men, and I will tell her about all the options she has to prevent a pregnancy and keep herself well, if she chooses to have sex.  I will also tell her of the emotional ramifications of being giving herself away.
2. I will tell my daughter what I tell her every single day, and what I think parents who don't tell their children should be jailed for withholding from their babies, and that is this:  There is absolutely NOTHING ON EARTH   you can do or say to me or anyone that will lessen my love for you.  This is something I feel could prevent a lot of abortions, but something I am so sad to report not a lot of teenagers hear.  I will always tell my daughter that as long as I am living, I will always be there for her, and that with every breath in me, I will support her.  I will work at McDonald's before I will let her need for anything.  I will tell her, although I'm sure it will be awkward and I really don't want to think that my daughter will lose her innocence until she's 30 and married, is that she will not break my heart or make me upset with her if she comes to me and tells me she is pregnant.  I will not yell at her, I will not throw her out, I will not treat her like she is a huge disappointment.  At that point, it's too late to scare them out of having sex, the deed is done, and you can either shun or love, and no good comes from shunning and shaming your child.  I will love her.  Period.
3. I will let her know she can always talk to me, about anything.  I will not scream at her if she tells me she wants to go on birth control.
4. I will let her in on the age old truth: Boys lie.  Boys will do anything for sex.
5. Probably the most important, I will not let my daughter own barbies.  Or any toy that displays skimpy clothes and whore like makeup.  I want my daughter to play with toys that let her learn and grow, not teach her that she has to dress skimpy and wear a ton of makeup to be of worth.  I will not raise her to think she can do anything she wants... that a girl can do.  I want her to know she can do ANYTHING she wants.  I will not let her think she is limited to the professions of the barbies on the shelves, or of the pink lego boxes (magician, baker, pet groomer).  I let her play with cars, and she loves them as much as she loves her dolls.  I will not teach her that she has to take care of her husband, I am trying my hardest to show her through my husband and myself that marriage is a partnership between two equals, she is not lesser.  I am teaching her she is loved and important and SMART.  The hardest thing to teach my beautiful daughter is that her beauty does not define her, it is not her worth.  Her worth comes from her kindness, her brilliance, her amazing attitude (yes my daughter is a toddler, and yes, her attitude is amazing).  The hardest part of giving my daughter a great self image will be battling what magazines and television are trying daily to tell her.  I will fight the messages of, "you aren't pretty enough, you need this makeup to be beautiful, you cannot be loved if you are overweight, you are worthless if you don't primp and prime yourself," from everywhere.
6. I will teach her that if a boy is pressuring her, he must know he doesn't have a long term shot with her, and he isn't worth it.  If a boy doesn't want to wait, he's not worth it.  She is worth waiting for, she is worth working for, she is worth being polite for.  She is worth so much more than the television is trying to tell her.

Here is my plan to prevent my son from making a girl want an abortion:

1. I will make sure he knows that prevention is HIS responsibility too.
2. I will also tell him I love him so much, and nothing he does will make me love him less, and that he can bring anything to me and I won't kill him.
3. I will make sure he's stocked if he needs prevention, I will tell him I hope he waits, but I am not dumb enough to think that my teenage son will listen to me all the time.  His body is sending him messages so loud he won't be able to hear me over them.  
4. I will make sure he understands that if he gets a girl pregnant, he is not off the hook.  It is his responsibility to support the girl in whatever she chooses, if she wants to raise the baby, I will offer the family refuge in my home, I will offer support, if the mother chooses adoption, I will support him emotionally and I will encourage him to support her emotionally too.  If he wants to keep his baby and the mother does not, I will offer to keep the baby in our home and give any help that they need.

Ending abortion does not lie in the hands of legislators, it will happen whether it is legal or illegal if we continue on the path we are going as a nation.  We have to start at home, start with our sons and daughters, and let them know that we are there for them if they mess up, if they fall, we will help them.  I would venture to say the vast majority of abortions would end if we practiced these principles.